“Expect nothing. Appreciate everything.” - Lisa Watson
Hey friends 🩵
I've been saying those four words to myself for about three years now.
Expect nothing. Appreciate everything.
I've talked about having no expectations in my coaching. I've said that expectations are the mother of grievances. I've encouraged people to notice how often their disappointment isn't necessarily coming from what happened, but from the gap between what happened and what they thought should have happened.
I understood this. Or, at least I thought I did. Because about a month ago, I started noticing something. Every time I found myself feeling discouraged or dissatisfied with my life,
there was always an expectation hiding underneath it.
I expected my business to be further along by now. I expected to be making more money. I expected my marriage to look different. I expected to still have my own home at this point in my life. I expected certain people to behave differently. I expected that after all the work I've done on myself, somehow my outer life would look a certain way.
And suddenly I could see it. These weren't just desires or preferences. They were rules.
Rules I had unconsciously written for how my life was supposed to go.
- By this age, I should be here.
- My marriage should look like this.
- My work should have become this successful.
- People should treat me this way.
- This person should know better.
- This shouldn't be so hard.
- Traffic shouldn't take this long.
- Plans shouldn't change at the last minute.
But life never agreed to any of those rules.
That realization has changed something for me.
Because what happens if, instead of immediately labeling an experience as good or bad, right or wrong, fair or unfair, I simply receive it as information?
There's traffic. Okay. That's information. It's going to take me 25 minutes instead of 20.
- Someone behaves in a way I don't like. Information.
- A job doesn't turn out the way I hoped. Information.
- A relationship changes. Information.
- A plan falls apart. Information.
Someone tells me I can stay in their home until the end of December and then suddenly tells me I need to be out by October 15. Well... 😂
That's information too. And here's what I love about thinking this way:
Information gives me my power back.
Because I don't have to spend my energy arguing with what has already happened. I can ask: Now what?
- Do I adjust?
- Do I make another choice?
- Do I have a conversation?
- Do I set a boundary?
- Do I look for another job?
- Do I find another place to live?
Or do I simply acknowledge that this particular moment is harder than I would prefer and trust myself to move through it?
That's very different from pretending everything is wonderful.
And it doesn't mean having no goals, preferences, standards, or boundaries. I still want things. I still make plans. I still have dreams. I still get to decide what I will and won't participate in.
I'm simply trying to stop making my peace dependent upon life following the rules I've created for it.
And strangely, this is happening during one of the least predictable seasons I've had in a long time.
I'm looking for a home. I'm exploring new work. I'm pet sitting. My plans seem to change by the day. Yet internally, I feel more peaceful than I did several months ago when I thought I had more things figured out.
I think I'm finally beginning to embody something I've been saying for years.
Expect nothing. Appreciate everything.
Not because nothing matters. But because nothing has to happen exactly the way I imagined it for this moment to still be okay.
There is still something here.
- Something to notice.
- Something to experience.
- Something to appreciate.
- Something to learn.
And perhaps that's where the childlike wonder I've been feeling lately comes from. A child doesn't wake up with a five-year strategic plan for how the day needs to unfold in order for it to be worthwhile.
They wake up and enter it.
- What's this?
- What's over there?
- What happens if I do this?
- They play with what's here.
Maybe there's something in that for us.
Less trying to force life to follow the script we've written for it and more curiosity about the life that's actually happening.
Take in the information. Trust yourself to respond. And keep playing.
So this week, if something doesn't go the way you expected, maybe before deciding something has gone wrong, ask yourself:
What rule did I have about how this was supposed to go? And then remember: Life never agreed to that rule. Maybe it's just giving you new information.
With love,
P.S. I'm going deeper into this on an upcoming episode of (re)Parenting Radio, because I've become fascinated by the difference between knowing something and actually embodying it. Sometimes we can understand an idea for years before suddenly realizing we're finally living it.
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🎙️ Podcast: (re)Parenting Radio
