"When everything suddenly feels wrong, check your nervous system before you check your life."
Hey friends 🩵
Have you ever noticed how quickly one difficult experience can seem to contaminate everything?
Maybe you have an argument with someone you love. You receive disappointing news. Something scares you. Someone says something that hits an old wound. Or maybe life simply overwhelms you.
And suddenly, your brain has a list.
Your relationship isn't working. You're behind financially. Your career isn't where it should be. You're not doing enough. You should have figured this out by now. Everyone else seems to be moving forward while you're somehow falling behind.
Before long, one difficult moment has somehow become evidence that your entire life is a disaster.
I've been thinking about this a lot this week because I had an experience that genuinely scared me and completely overwhelmed my nervous system.
I'm going to save the story for Thursday's podcast because there is so much more to it, but what fascinated me most wasn't only what happened in the moment.
It was what happened afterward.
Long after the immediate situation was over, my body was still behaving as though something was wrong. And my brain went looking for reasons.
Suddenly, thoughts started swirling that had absolutely nothing to do with what had just happened.
- I should be doing better in my business.
- Why can't I focus?
- I should be doing more.
- The last ten years have been so hard.
And eventually, as that loop kept running, it became some version of:
Everything sucks.
Here's what's interesting.
None of those thoughts had anything to do with the situation that activated me. But in that moment, they felt true.
When our nervous system becomes overwhelmed, our perception can change with it. The body is sending the message something is wrong, and the mind begins searching our lives for evidence to explain why we feel the way we do.
And believe me, the brain is very good at finding evidence.
Suddenly, every unfinished goal matters. Every uncertainty feels bigger. Every disappointment joins the meeting.
Apparently, when my nervous system calls an emergency staff meeting, everyone gets invited.
Including my neighbor Karen, who hasn't had anything useful to say since 2015. 😂
And you know Karen. She's not staying in her lane.
Because when you're dysregulated, your inner "Karen" starts filing complaints about departments that weren't even involved in the original incident.
Something happens in one area of your life, and suddenly your brain is reviewing your finances, your relationships, your career, your body, that decision you made six years ago, and whether you've accomplished enough with your life.
But none of those things necessarily changed. Your nervous system did.
And that's the distinction I want us to pay attention to.
This week, I was able to recognize what was happening.
I didn't need to solve my business or figure out my entire life. I didn't need to make a major decision.
I needed to help my body feel safe again.
Because when we don't recognize what's happening, we can turn a temporary nervous-system state into a story about our entire lives.
We can send the text. End the relationship. Quit the job. Abandon the idea. Decide we're failing. Or simply spend several days emotionally beating ourselves up over problems that looked very different before our nervous system became overwhelmed.
This is where awareness changes everything.
My thoughts were giving me information, but they weren't necessarily giving me instructions.
So instead of immediately believing every thought, I started asking different questions:
- What just happened to me?
- What does my nervous system need right now?
- What would help me feel safe again?
And eventually:
- How can I learn and grow from this?
That last question didn't require me to pretend the experience hadn't frightened me or immediately turn something painful into a spiritual lesson.
I could acknowledge that I was scared. I could receive support. I could change the circumstances that needed to change. I could set boundaries.
And then I could allow enough space for the learning to arrive. I think that's an important part of closing the loop that we don't talk about enough.
We acknowledge what happened. We create safety where we can. We make adjustments where they're needed. And when we're ready, we become curious about what the experience revealed.
We don't have to keep carrying the moment forward just because it happened.
So maybe that's the reminder I needed this week:
When everything suddenly feels wrong, check your nervous system before you check your life.
Your life may still have things you want to change. Mine certainly does. But you deserve to evaluate those things from a regulated place rather than allowing a frightened nervous system—and apparently Karen—to write the story for you. 😂
Have a beautiful week, friends. 🤍
Lisa
P.S. Thursday's episode of (re)Parenting Radio is a very personal one. I'm sharing what happened this week, why it sent my nervous system somewhere I haven't experienced in a very long time, and what three very large German Shepherds taught me about fear, boundaries, compassion, old patterns, and what it actually means to close the loop after we've been overwhelmed.
Trust me...there's a story. 🐕🐕🐕
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🎙️ Podcast: (re)Parenting Radio
